Green Cheese and Spam
by Silberman Was Here
Summary: A parody of the beloved Seuss classic.


Disclaimer: I Don't Own Yugioh or Dr. Seuss  
  
Kyoté Moon: Hi, everybody!  
  
Everybody: Hi, Kyoté Moon!  
Kyoté Moon: I know I haven't finished "And So, He Returns" yet, but I wanted to do this  
  
because yesterday was Dr. Seuss' birthday. So here is a parody of a timeless classic,  
  
Green Eggs and Ham: Green Cheese and Spam.  
  
???????????????????????????????????  
  
The scene starts off when Yugi is dueling Arkana and Yugi has just summoned the Dark  
  
Magician Girl and beats Arkana.  
  
Director: Cut! Ok, that's good for today.  
  
Yami: Oh, I need a drink.  
  
DMG: I need my hot tub. (starts walking home)  
  
A little guy wearing a Yugi mask comes riding in on a dog with a sign that says, "I am  
  
Yam" The DMG watches him ride by. He comes back with a sign that says "Yam I am".  
  
DMG: That Yam-I-am! That Yam-I-am! I do not like that Yam-I-am!  
  
Yam-I-am comes back and shoves a plate of rotting cheese and meat in the DMG's face.  
  
YIA: Do you like green cheese and spam?  
  
DMG: I do not like them, Yam-I-am. I do not like green cheese and spam.  
  
YIA: (points across the street and his feet) Would you like them far or near?  
  
DMG: I would not like them far or near, and I don not want them here. I do not like green  
  
cheese and spam. I do not like them, Yam-I-am. Now, go away! (starts to walk down the  
  
street until she gets to a hot-dog vendor.)  
  
DMG: Oooh, one please, with the works.  
  
Yam-I-am pops out from the cart.  
  
DMG: Oh, not you again!  
  
YIA: Would you like the in a cart? Would you like them with Bart?  
  
Bart Simpson pops out from the cart.  
  
DMG: Are you deaf or something? I do not like them in a cart. I do not like them with  
  
Bart. I do not want them far or near, and I do not want them here. I do not like green  
  
cheese and spam. I do not like them Yam-I-am! (flies off)  
  
As she is flying, Yam-I-am comes up behind her in a zeppelin with Bakura inside.  
  
YIA: Would you eat them on a blimp? Would you eat them with a wimp?  
  
Bakura: Hey!  
  
YIA: "Hands Bakura a wad of cash"  
  
Bakura: Carry on.  
  
DMG: Not on a blimp. Not with a wimp. Not in a cart. Not with Bart. I would not eat  
  
them far or near, and I would not eat them here. I will not eat green cheese and spam. I do  
  
not like them, Yam-I-am! (flies back to the ground and gets on a bus)  
  
YIA: (driving the bus) Would you? Could you? On a bus? Eat them! Eat them! You mus-t.  
  
(Hey, you try rhyming "bus" and then we'll talk)  
  
DMG: What? Do you want my money? I would not, could not, on a bus!  
  
YIA: You may like them. You will see. You may like them, in the sea! (drives the bus off a  
  
cliff and into the ocean.)  
  
DMG: Are you nuts? You'll kill us all! I would not, could not in the sea. Not on a bus! You  
  
let me be! I do not like them in a blimp. I do not like them with a wimp. I do not like them  
  
in a cart. I do not like them with Bart. I do not like them far or near, and I do not like them  
  
here! I do not like green cheese and spam! I do not like them Yam-I-am! (uses her staff to  
  
blow a hole in the bus and she swims out)  
  
When she gets to the surface, she is caught in a net and pulled onto a fishing boat.  
  
YIA: A boat! A boat! A boat! A boat! Could, would you, on a boat?  
  
DMG: (freeing herself) Not on a boat! Not in the sea! Not on a bus! Yam! Let me be!  
  
I would not, could not, on a blimp. I could not, would not, with a wimp. I will not eat them  
  
in a cart. I will not eat them with Bart. I will not eat them far or near, and I will not eat  
  
them here! I do not green cheese and spam! I do not like them, Yam-I-am!  
  
The boat thus enters a time warp, for some reason, that is floating in the ocean.  
  
YIA: Say! In a warp? Here in a warp! Would you, could you, in the warp?  
  
DMG: I would not, could not, in a warp! (blows up the boat and they land in medieval  
  
times. They fall next to a castle into a moat)  
  
YIA: Would you, could you, in a moat? I would not, could not, in a moat. Not in a warp.  
  
Not on a boat. Not on a bus. Not in the sea. I don't like them, don't you see! Not in a blimp.  
  
Not in a cart. Not with a wimp. Not with Bart. I will not eat them far or near, and I will not  
  
eat them here. I do not like green cheese and spam. Now go away, Yam-I-am! (attacks him)  
  
YIA: Ahh! You do not like green cheese and spam?  
  
DMG: How could you? It's rotting cheese an meat that tastes horrible even when it's fresh!  
  
(transports herself back to our time. Yam-I-am jumps in, too.)  
  
YIA: Could you, would you, with a doe? (a deer appears and starts to eat Yam-I-am's mask)  
  
DMG: I would not, could not, with a doe!  
  
YIA: Would you, could you, in the snow?  
  
DMG: What? (snow comes down and buries the city. DMG and YIA stick their heads out)  
  
DMG: (pissed) I could not, would not, in the snow! I will not, will not, with a doe! I will not  
  
eat them in a moat! I will not eat them on a boat! Not in the warp! Not in the sea! Not on the  
  
bus! Now let me be! I do not like them in a blimp! I do not like them with a wimp! I do not  
  
like them in a cart! I do not like them with Bart! I do not like them far or near, and I do not  
  
like them HERE! I do not like green cheese and spam! I do not like them Yam-I-am!!!  
  
YIA: You do not like them. SO you say. Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and  
  
I'll go away!  
  
DMG: Yam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see. (Takes a piece of green  
  
cheese and looks at it, then pops it in her mouth. Yam-I-am looks up in anticipation.) Why,  
  
this is the most DISGUSTING piece of food I've ever tasted! (takes the plate and slams it  
  
over Yam-I-am's head, then walks off.)  
  
YIA: She could have just said "No".  
  
???????????????????????????????????  
  
Kyoté Moon: Well, wasn't that interesting?  
  
YIA: Would you like some green cheese and spam?  
  
Kyoté Moon: Hey, what's that?  
  
YIA: What?  
  
DMG comes in and whacks him out the window.  
  
Kyoté Moon: I do not like green cheese and spam. Thank you, thank you. Yam-I-am.  
  
DMG: Why did you thank him?  
  
Kyoté Moon: That's how the book ends.  
  
DMG: Right.  
  
Yami: Are there any drinks here?  
  
YIA: Green rum and coke.  
  
DMG whacks him out the window again.  
  
Kyoté Moon: Thanks  
  
Yami: I'm serious. I really need a drink! To contribute to the Thirsty Yami's Fund, please  
  
send 5 gallons of vodka to: Thirsty Yami Fund PO Box 963 New York, New York 10108  
  
Yami Bakura: Martini's are excepted!  
  
Please R&R 


End file.
